Even though I’m new to this whole military wife thing, my husband and I have been married for 11+ years. In all that time we’ve both bounced around career ideas about a million times. My husband looked at schools for degrees in graphic design, finance, computer science, and teaching. He even was trying to apprentice his way into becoming an Escrow Officer. I bounced around in college switching majors from elementary education to business then back to early childhood development. When I realized I didn’t know what I wanted to for the rest of my life I decided to stop attending college the degree unknown. We had two kids and each year a new dream would pop in my head of a job I could have years down the road. I thought about going to beauty college so I could work in the salon at an elderly home, I’d get to pamper and brighten a lot of days. I’d even get to foster amazing relationships with people who have been forgotten. Then I started cutting my husband’s hair every week and realized I really don’t enjoy that, so that career was out the window. I’m also homeschooling my children so in all reality I can’t have a job that would be 8 hours outside the home. So I just figured I’d be content where I was and not worry about what career I could have. Maybe one day I’d realize what I wanted to do when I grew up!

Now I sit at my desk in the afternoons reading an Anatomy and Physiology book. What?!?! Well it took moving from my hometown to realized what I wanted to be when I grew up! You know in whatever town you find yourself most comfortable, you have your hairstylist, your doctor, your chiropractor, your manicurist, etc… The person I send everyone I know to is my friend, Lynell. Without going into crazy detail, she helps people in amazing ways. I found her because of a nasty fall down some stairs that left my tailbone in a mess and years later she has helped too many of my friends to count. Spring ahead a few month into our new duty station and I meet some friends and the topic of conversation falls to tailbone hurting falls. The first thing that pops in my head is, “You should go see my friend Lynell.” That’s really impossible with the distance, so I hop on the Internet knowing there would have to be someone in the area that did what she does. NOTHING! The closest person is 4 hours away. Who would travel 4 hours to see someone some new girl said could help? I don’t think I would, but then it hits me. What if I was that girl? What if I could learn how to do this and start my own business? What if I could help all my friends? So the search began. Where could I train, what schooling do I need? That lady that is 4 hours away is also an instructor…. SCORE! Training is one weekend a month only 4 hours away! Some people fly to training because it isn’t close, but I get to go only 4 hours away. So the road begins for me. I’m taking an online anatomy class with lots and lots of studying. Somehow being older and actually knowing what I want to do has helped me pick up that book. I’m excited to find a career that fits our family, helps friends, and makes me happy!

That guy I married 11+ years ago, he’s happy now too! He found his inner geek and LOVES being an IT guy! He did realize this dream a few years before I realized mine, but finding an in with a big company when you’re trying to support a family is rough. Well my husband found his big company, the Navy, and so far he is loving his job. Yes, he joined the military later in life (almost 30), and yes, he is an old guy with a bunch of young sailors, but you know what… it fits us. All the choices he made through MEPS and A school and C school were choices of an almost 30 year old man. He chose the job that he wanted to pursue a career in, he studied for all it was worth, and he has been successful thus far. Who knows how long is naval career will be, it may be 6, or it may be 20. Right now he is working as hard as he he can to further his career in the Navy or outside the Navy. Do you know there are contacts to be made all the time. Don’t waste a single contact. When our time with Navy is over, my husband will still need a job and the soonest that would be is in 4ish years. Do you think he’s meeting people now that see how he works? Of course! So building that Rolodex of contacts has already begun. I’m so proud of my husband and the career he is building and the man he is becoming. Who knew 3 years ago when he signed that contract we’d be where we are today. It’s been an interesting 3 years, but it’s kinda nice sitting here realizing we’re actually kinda grown up! We have goals and dreams that fit us. We enjoy life every day. So 20 year old me… relax, by 35 you’ll know what you want to be when you grow up!

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Hello Military Spouse Hoppers!!

Here at MyMilitaryLife.com we are a grouping of many spouses and many branches.  We work together to unify and create a strong military bond no matter what the branch of service or what your service members rank maybe.   If you are boots on ground, submarine, or surface, we are all in this together.

I’m Marla, also known as Trevsnavywife, I am a mother of 3, who thanks to the Navy are exactly 3 yrs apart, and perpetual nursing student.  I write for MyMilitaryLife.com as well as am part of the online radio show when possible.  I have a deep seeded affection for military life, and I love the spouses I strive to help along the way.   I love to learn about every aspect of military life, and love to find things to share with other spouses to make this sometimes hectic journey a little bit clearer.  My husband and I have been married for 13 years, and have been in the Navy for 11 years.  We have done three deployments, five PCS’s, and I can admit we might still have a few boxes still packed from our first PCS 11 years ago.  I love to cook, especially ethnic foods of all kinds and I love to eat, much to the dismay of some of my favorite outfits!

I want to extend a huge virtual hug to the hundreds, millions of military spouses around the world.  Weather your service member is home, currently deployed, counted among the fallen, or is a wounded warrior we honor you, we cherish you among our ranks.  I am proud to serve among some of the most amazing military spouses in the world!

Thank you for all you do in this Crazy, AMAZING, Military Life!!!

Marla

~TrevsNavyWife~

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We were only a couple of weeks in to our most recent deployment and Murphy had reared his ugly head too many times to even want to remember! The last in our unfortunate incidences, the TV. One of my three wonderful children decided to take it out (with something apparently hard and sharp). This of course was realized once they were all tucked away snugly in bed. So me being the optimist that I strive to be, start looking for the silver lining in this extremely gray cloud! My husband has been wanting a BIG TV. We currently have a 42” and I have stood ground refusing anything bigger! Our TV is fine I have told him on several occasions and our definitions of bigger are totally different. I saw the lust in his eyes for the monstrous 60” TV displayed front and center of the many walking isles at the NEX. So in a moment of pure genius I decided to venture out the next morning in search of a new TV, best thing is it can get bigger without having to watch Dora and Bubble Guppies like we are at the movie theater! I left my house keeping in mind a few rules of TV purchasing for my husband: it must be BIG, it must be LG and it must not be a plasma! I arrive at the NEX around 0930, walk directly to the TV section find pretty much what I am looking for, call the sales associate over to ask a couple of questions. I have two TV’s that I can choose from that fit the requirements; last years model and this years model. I decide that I will fork out the extra cash and get this years model. I purchase the TV, drive over and pick it up. I get home relax for a minute then reluctantly drag the TV from the car to the house (and yes, I literally drug the TV). With a little elbow grease and a few colorful “words” the TV is up and installed; working beautifully. I look at the clock and the time is 1045. Ummmm… yes, you read that right. In 1 hour and 15 minutes I had purchased, picked up, uninstalled the old TV and installed the new TV. This is something that all inclusive would have taken hours or even days if my husband had been present (I know I can’t be alone here!). It would have been all day just choosing the perfect TV and that TV would have been way to big which would have required a new TV stand. You all know how that goes. So the lesson I learned is that TV shopping with out my husband is the only way to go! He got a “bigger” TV, it is an LG and it is not plasma! And I get to keep my entertainment center that I love! Another plus, and this is for him: he never has to listen to me talk bad about the TV, because I bought it all on my own! It is really a win, win for everybody! Except the kids who are currently on cleaning duty as punishment!

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Photo Credit: http://live-laugh-workout.tumblr.com

Routine brings simplicity to life, and structure that supports you for success. Sometimes it has a negative connotation, but when you have routines in place that honor your goals and dreams, amazing things can happen.

Today, on this first day of May, I’d like to challenge My Military Life readers to set up a new routine or reinvigorate an old one.

When life is running smoothly, routines keep you form wasting time on mundane tasks done inefficiently, and they allow you the time and energy to do the things you really love. But when life gets a little (or a lot!) hectic, routines can be your saving grace.

Even when the routines get lost in the chaos, you are still better off for having them. If the house is a mess and you can’t find anything, if your finances are jumbled and you don’t have a working budget, or if your calendar is incomplete and unreliable – when the unexpected things in life strike, you are already on shaky ground, and things will probably just get worse. But if you create routines and stick to them the best you can, even if you lose them when life gets crazy, you’ll have a solid foundation to see you through, and to rebuild from when things settle down.

I have a few routines that save me from a lot of headaches. Weekly meal planning, yearly/monthly budgeting, morning/night activities, and calendar scheduling are the main ones. In recent months, our household experienced some upheaval, and some of my routines slipped. But they couldn’t slip very far, because much of it has become habit. Sure, we spent more because the budget wasn’t outlined. We ate out a little bit more because the fridge wasn’t stocked for specific recipes. And maybe I missed an appointment or two. But we also knew exactly how much money we had, we were able to shop and make meals on a whim because we’ve memorized the recipes, and we kept up with almost all of our calendar commitments because of the reminders we’ve built in along the way. Even when we weren’t sticking to a routine, our routines were sticking to us! They provided a safety net to see us through, and looking back, I am very grateful for them.

The first of the month is a great day for setting new goals, and reviewing old ones. So I’m throwing down the routine gauntlet. Is there one area in life where you could really benefit from more structure? Set up a routine for it. Plan it out; write it out. What do you want to accomplish every day, or over the course of the month? What behavior would you like to make into habit? Check in daily, or weekly, and remind yourself what you are hoping to accomplish. Work on it every day for the month of May, and see what happens!

Some of you might be thinking that military life makes routines difficult. You are totally right. But, it doesn’t make them impossible. If you can marry routine with flexibility, you can find a happy medium that works for you. Remember that a routine is there for most days, not necessarily all. And nothing is black and white. If life gets in the way for a day, just do your best and start again fresh on the next one. Tweak the routine as you go until you find the version that works best. You might learn a lot about yourself and how you function best in the process.

Check back at My Military Life throughout the month for more posts on setting up routines to set up for success. If you’ve got a routine that you love and want to share, please do so in the comments. And in June, when I post again, I want to hear all about your new routine!

If you’d like more information or inspiration on creating routines, check out these Five Tips for Establishing Routines, or print up a cute routine checklist here.

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As April comes to close, I was thinking about the strength of  the Military Child.  I have 3 kids that I affectionately call the brats.  In society that title has such a negative connotation…in my home my kids love it.  They are amazing, but really what parent doesn’t say that about their children?  In many ways I think that children of the Military are a unique genetic breed, it’s like they are brave when it seems to be time to cry, and they stand as strong as a 100 men.

We recently welcomed home our Sailor who had been away almost 9 months.  While he was not serving overseas, he was far from home, and that in itself in my opinion makes it harder.  He was just a skype or phone call away.  I understand with most branches the ability to skype is common place, but in the Navy, we don’t usually get to skype while they are out to sea very much, if at all.  Sometimes it’s easier when random phone calls and emails are the best communication you have, it was like we missed him more looking at his face.  But I digress…back to the military brats I wanted to tell you about.

My brats had been anxious for homecoming day, it was the first for my sons BoyBrat1 and BoyBrat2 and the first for my BallerinaBrat to remember.  For a good two or three months posters were made and talked about, “When daddy gets home” filled the walls of our home and posters were rolled up in closets.  There was no way we could take them all pier side.  My BoyBrats were excited to see daddy, but BallerinaBrat dissolved into tears when all the emotion hit her.  She hadn’t shed a tear in months over daddy, but suddenly there they all were, her tears of joy.

Our military kids are the strongest kids on the planet in so many ways.  There aren’t even words on how much I respect and honor my children for the strength they are for each other.  There is something to be said with how much they connect with other military kids and thrive together through their difficulties.  A favorite BallerinaBrat story I have shared was when she told me about telling her good friend whose dad was about to deploy (as we were about to welcome home our own daddy) that when her dad came back they could share him.  That wasn’t the first time in the military kid world that I had heard that scenario.  These kids are a unique breed.

A good friend of mine, Amanda, has been a great example of how to become a great adult, having grown up a military brat.  She’s a huge part of our little family, and greatly loved.  Here is a bit of her story:

“As a naval officer who grew up an enlisted (seal) brat, I can say that life was very hard being without two parents on a consistent basis, however those times proved to me that not only is my dad a warrior doing the right thing, but that my mom was an amazingly strong woman fighting her own war for our family. It taught me that whether I followed in dad’s footsteps and went into the military, or followed mom and became a strong woman and mother, in the civilian world, I would be a strong woman and could fight and survive anything in my way and I have!  Without the support and sacrifices that my parents made, I would have never made it to or through the United States Naval Academy, through my first ship assignment, and now the medical discharge I’m facing!  Regardless of all the ups and downs, military brats are survivors; it’s all we know how to do for certain when times get tough!”

So often as a mother I worry that I have chosen for my children a lifestyle that will bring them heartbreak and turmoil when childhood should be simple.  At the same time I know that we are doing something right, these brats are pretty well adjusted and happy and most of all they thrive!  I can’t take all the credit as a parent; it would be hard to do some of this without community.  In the area I live in we are surrounded by a strong and vast military community.  Where my brats attend school they have amazing programs through Fleet and Family and the Armed Services YMCA that help our kids through while helping them create their own community for support.

I sat my BallerinaBrat and BoyBrat1 for some Q & A:  Keep in mind, BallerinaBrat is 8 and BoyBrat1 is 5.

What do you think of your daddy being in the military?

BallerinaBrat:  I love it because he serves our country.

BoyBrat1:  It’s cool that daddy has lunch on the ship.

Do you think all our moves have been hard or fun?

BallerinaBrat: Moving to Mississippi was hard, but all in all the moves have been fun.

BoyBrat1: It was fun moving; I liked riding in the big moving truck!

What is the hardest thing about being a military brat?  What is fun about it?

BallerinaBrat: The hardest is that when you move, you lose your friends.  It’s fun that we get to make new friends along the way.

BoyBrat1:  It makes us stronger.

Are you happy daddy is back?

BallerinaBrat & BoyBrat1:  YES!!!!

Today, hug your little brats tighter and thank them for being so awesome.  These kids are our future, and this journey and the adventures in it makes them so much stronger.  I know mine help me more than they will ever know survive this crazy, amazing, military life.

Fair Winds & Following Seas!
Marla ~TrevsNavyWife~

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I have to admit as I begin this review that I have a love hate relationship with the books of Nicholas Sparks.  I love them but then throw them at the end when the ending is different than what I thought.

As the theater lights lowered I could already feel my heart pumping anxiously to watch Zac Efron in a role where he is not a singing and dancing as a high schooler but a man, not just a man, A Marine!  As a military spouse I love my military romance, and love watching military romances.  I have to admit, it was one of the major reasons why I was excited to see this film.  Even better I was able to take my recently returned home Sailor to join me.   Here is a picture of us waiting for the movie to begin!!

I was really concerned with how well Zac Efron could channel the combat seasoned marine.  Logan, a marine who had seen the dirtiest of war and was saved by a simple photograph dropped in the sand.  Efron is amazing, he gained over 30 pounds for this role and no boy was present, but a real man.  I was in awe of seeing how much I believed him as Marine.   One thing I found surreally accurate was how well Efron played the aspect of that silently cautious Marine fresh from the sandbox.  Logan had a commanding presence in his scenes, but there is also a softness to him.  Taylor Schilling was awesome!   She made me believe she was Beth, the strong and gentle mom who was holding herself together yet is just moments away from dissolving.  Schilling was outstanding and made you want her to get everything and heal the broken parts of herself.  You really do attach yourself to the characters and feel that lucky charm that brought the two together.

I could go on and on but I don’t want to deliver spoilers, it’s plain and simple, go see it!  This film was chalk full of everything you would ever want.   You will laugh, a lot, you will tear up and you will find yourself applauding with a theatre full of people.  The Lucky One is a film that will touch you to your core, and the movie had just enough explosion mixed with girlieness to make it a great film!

Fair Winds & Following Seas

Marla  ~TrevsNavyWife~

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A couple of days ago my husband and I were talking about something that I was planning to do next year.  He made the comment, “I might be deployed then…”  It kinda took me by surprise a little bit.  My husband has been home for 9 months now and we finally get to have more than a year between deployments.  This means that although he has already been home for almost a year, we are not in pre-deployment mode.  That doesn’t mean there isn’t a deployment in our future.  There is and I have a feeling it will be upon us before we know it.

This scares me!  I have been through three deployments but the thought of starting a fourth one scares me.  I worry that I won’t be able to handle it like I have in the past.  Kids are older and I have more of them.  My tiny baby won’t be a baby anymore.  He will be in the middle of his toddler years, about the time you really need two parents around.  I have two older chidren with special needs.  One we didn’t know about last deployment.  I worry about that.  That it will be too much for me to handle all by myself.  But really, what choice do I have?  Having a husband in the Military means you single parent sometimes.  You don’t have a choice.

I am hoping that when the time comes I will be ready to do it alone again.  That I will have the patience and the strength to get-through the time apart.  And while I know that deployment is going to happen eventually I am going to try not to dwell on it and try to fully enjoy having my husband home with us.  I am going to fully enjoy the weekends together, the date nights, the trips out with the boys.  I am going to appreciate all of it because sometime in the future we will be saying goodbye again, the countdown will begin and we will have yet another deployment to get though.

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In the military we move more times that we can count, we unpack boxes and watch as total strangers pack our personal effects into cardboard wrapped in paper.  We watch as canned beans are combined with blankets from the living room and strange items get packed with our electronics.  A military move is rough, when you sit there watching someone else manhandle the baby shoes which you have carefully placed on the shelf time after time.  A huge span of emotions come to the surface as the house you have called home goes back to being a shell of the memories of the years spent within them.  If the walls could talk they would remind you of the day you brought home your baby boy for the very first time that cool spring day.

In the years of my husband’s service we have moved quite a few times, and in those moves I have always requested a moving company come and handle everything.  It comes down to the fact that while I love military life, and I love moving to new places and meeting the amazing spouses in my new destination, I hate moving!  I have a love/hate relationship with the whole concept.  Of course eventually the fates had to challenge me, what would this life be if I didn’t have a hiccup with one of my moves?

Recently we had transferred from  the Naval Academy in Annapolis, MD to Pascagoula, MS.  This move was rough for me emotionally; it was a stepping stone to our final destination in San Diego, CA.  I had been desperate to be near my family again, even though in many ways Annapolis was home.  We had built so much of ourselves and our little Navy family there.

We were able to schedule a moving company to come do our pack out in Annapolis, but from Pascagoula to San Diego it didn’t happen.  I had less than 3 weeks from issuance of our paper orders to our move out date.  This left only one move option…a PPM, Personally Procured Move.  Once upon a time they called it a DITY move, oh seriously we still call it a DITY it’s the military that is trying to call it something else.  I had to do the one thing I dreaded most, a DITY MOVE!  I had to pack my own boxes, tape them and mark them with what was in there.  I had to call and get quotes on trucks and figure out how my husband and I would drive a truck and a car across four states with three children.  Suddenly the path seemed daunting and I didn’t know if I could do this without the big bad movers who had done the work before.

I scheduled our rental truck and somehow managed to back it into our driveway which suddenly seemed incredibly short.  I started loading my children in my car and driving around to local stores in search of boxes so I didn’t have to buy any, of course not realizing that they reimburse you for your moving essentials…note to self: remember that!!!

Loading day came, three awesome sailors from my husband’s command came to help him load the truck and the great game of Tetris began.  As he loaded things in the truck I was loading my car and running items to a local childcare that could use the extras that we wouldn’t need and couldn’t take.  I was thankful for the ability to donate the items our baby had out grown, but it was still a little bittersweet.  Finally after 2 days of loading, shifting, and donating our truck and our car was ready for the big drive.

We drove those four states, and in the last leg the truck lost power to the air conditioning, but really the move was pretty problem free.  It was a long trip, for me and for the three kids who shifted from my car to the truck with daddy.  It was not something I could shout to everyone to do, you can make money from doing a DITY, but really the extra we got was not worth the stressors.  I would rather the men come in and do the heavy lifting and then I can enjoy the car trip with my husband and kids as we stop and awe at the world’s largest ball of twine.

In the grand scheme of military moves I look at them all as an adventure…and a DITY is quite an adventure.  I am glad to say been there, done that, and I SURVIVED IT!

Fair Winds and Following Seas!

~TrevsNavyWife~

Photo credit: http://jennyspouse.com/

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As this is published I’ll actually be “home” for the first time since we moved February 2011. I’m thankful in a way that we didn’t make it home any sooner because as I said last month, we’re finally feeling at home here. If I had been able to pull away and go to our safety net in Arizona I wonder if we’d have some of the friendships we have right now. Knowing a trip home was so far off, I had to get outside my comfort zone and build a home here. Now I think we go home with the right perspective. There is so much joy and excitement to see family and friends that have been in our lives forever, but it’s not the life support that it might have been even just 3 months ago. We can go home and enjoy each moment, knowing that when we board our plane in Phoenix ready to head to our new home we’ll be sad to say goodbye, but not dreading lonliness here. We’ll be ready to see our friends and participate in functions that we’ve joined in. My heart is so full to think about it all!

We have decided that one of the Saturdays we’re back in Arizona we’re going to have an open house thing in the morning and anyone and everyone are invited! That way we can see as many people as possible, but we won’t have to be super booked all over town. We’ll see how it goes. Here comes the test, how hard is it to go home? We’ll find out! I just think about the wall decoration I have. “Home is where the Navy sends you” Under that we have all the places my husband has been (basic, training, and here) and the places we’ve been when he’s been at those places. It’s a long chain for the short stint we’ve been in the Navy so far, but I’m thankful to say that we’ve enjoyed all the “homes” the Navy has given us so far, and the friends all over the country are such an added blessing. So as you read this you can think of us, trying to see all our friends and family in just a meer 10 days! It’ll never be enough time, but I am thankful to have a home in Arizona and a home in Virginia! Maybe we’ll see you somewhere in transit!

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I first heard about Coupons to Troops while lazily scrolling through my Facebook news feed as I have so many other times before. Cool, so-and-so got her hair cut. Great, this dude is at work. Blah, blah. Same old, same old. However a picture of a ton of coupons caught my eye that was posted by a fellow milspouse friend with the caption, “Thanks, Coupons to Troops!” Now, I’ve never been a real coupon-er at all but boy, do I love me a sale. So naturally I immediately went to my Google toolbar where I typed: Coupons to Troops. The result was phenomenal.

So often, even before being a military spouse, I would hear the phrase “Support the Troops!” Coming from a small town in Pennsylvania, you couldn’t go three cars without seeing some form of yellow ribbon or American flag. The pride that US citizens have for their military is both overwhelming and admirable; as well as bullet proof. And even though the catch phrases and bumper stickers are nice, it is always refreshing and eye opening to see people putting action behind their kind words.

Coupons to Troops does just that – random strangers silently support the troops and their families overseas by ‘adopting’ a family and sending them coupons that they may use on their base. After a year of being a military spouse I just found out less than a month ago that we can use coupons that have expired up to 6 months on base being military in Italy. How fantastic is that! So essentially, not only are people who ‘adopt’ military families and send them their coupons fabulous for supporting the troops, but also because they’re not throwing away coupons that are expired – because we can use them!

Received 11 envelopes full of coupons today!

Personally, my favorite part about Coupons to Troops is not the coupons themselves by any means. Sure, I feel really cool (and old, let’s be honest) with all my cut out coupons and envelopes – and I may be planning a coupon party with girlfriends – but the real magic is in the emails to one another. I’m not sure if everyone who participates is as lucky as I’ve been with generous coupon-givers, but I’ve learned so much about random strangers all over the world – all who support the military in their own way – that sometimes, it takes my breath away.

One woman I’ve been chatting to has a husband who retired from the military. We’ve been discussing how different the world is from when she was a military spouse to today. She also made me see the light at the end of what can sometimes be a very long and strenuous military tunnel. As she wrote about her fantastic husband, I grew more and more proud of my own vet and realized, yet again, how blessed we are to be living this life. It is connections like this that make the world go round. And Coupons to Troops is just one more amazing military support network that you should absolutely check out.

Sign up to ‘adopt’ a military family stationed overseas here

Sign up to receive coupons here

‘Like’ Coupons to Troops on Facebook here

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